Skip to main content

Why I Shop....

We buy our way out of jail but we can't buy freedom,
We buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need them,
Things we buy to cover up what's inside.
Kanye West
Have you ever bought things and later wondered why you did? Do you LOVE shoes, books, electronic equipment, clothes or craft items to excess? Are you addicted to internet shopping and then days later receiving all the "gifts" in the mail? I am and I'm guessing you are too. For me, shopping on the internet is almost an addiction... ALMOST. It's funny because I realize I'm doing it, and I know WHY I'm doing it, and yet, I keep on doing it.

I have the most fabulous craft room you could ever imagine. Most of which was bought on sale or through Ebay. It's gotten to the point now that I can barely move around in that fabulous room. These things take up space and time organizing items over and over again. It's endless. AND, I seldom get to "play" with any of it right now because my days are spent babysitting and my evenings are spent putting my house back together from the day. But do you think I'd stop buying stuff? NO. Ok, I'll admit it... I'm a hoarder. Wow, did that ever feel good and bad to admit. Good because I know that seeing it for what it is will help me overcome it. But bad because never in a million years did I think that would ever describe me. The house of a hoarder should look like this... RIGHT??? But I know I have the tendencies and if I don't gain control pretty soon, it will!


It all started back in 2001 when my mom died and 2002 when my sister and I had to begin finalizing her estate. There were tough days and many HUGE decisions to make and handling my parents lifetime of "things" was really getting to me. In order to get through those times, I would block out the feelings and dangle a "reward" if I could make it through the day. The reward was usually a purchase of some kind. It was a momentary happiness but it didn't last. Shortly after her estate was completed, I started babysitting my grandson to help my daughter out. For the year or so prior to that, my life was my own. Days at the beach, biking, going to the gym and taking care of my husband and house. All these fun and freeing things pretty much stopped because it was difficult for me to do ANYTHING with a baby. Carrying diaper bags and carseats wrecked my shoulders and wore me out. Shopping was impossible! Until.... I found the internet. Minutes became hours and shopping online became my solace. Getting the items via UPS and Fed Ex was exciting... until it started to make my house and my life cluttered. And it's really like the words at the beginning of this post say, "Things we buy to cover up what's inside". Inside, I'm hurting, I'm conflicted, I feel guilty for wanting my freedom and my life back. But i do.

So what's the solution? Well, first off, NO MORE SHOPPING for anything other than groceries while I access my next step. Cutting down or cutting out any babysitting other than emergencies or Grandparent time. I want to WANT to be around my Kids and Grandkids, not feel like I HAVE to be. Then have a few garage sales to weed out the unnecessary and get my house clean and organized. And last but not least, try to find my voice and be assertive about the new choices I'm making.

I'm on my way to a "Happier Place".

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Patriotic Book Bag

My daughters and I love a challenge. So, back in late May we decided to take each other on in a $5 Dollar Store Challenge. We found inspiration over at Lindsay's Blog, Living With Lindsay. This is how this challenge goes. You shop your local Dollar Store spending no more than $5 on supplies. Then you put your purchases together, in a different way and make something brand new. You CAN use SOME supplies that you have on hand at your house already to complete it. For our challenge, we decided to put in that it would have to be something patriotic, red, white and blue, or something using 4th of July type supplies, knowing that the completion date would be right around the first of July.
I walked in the door of the store about a month ago and found some really nice, thick placemats like these. The ones I picked up were red and white stripes with a blue star pattern. I was already thinking a purse of some kind so I knew I would need about 3; one for each side and one to cut up for the b…

Grave's Disease

The Picture - Half Empty or Half Full?
Many of you who know me know I've been fighting a battle with Graves' Disease for about a year and a half. It was diagnosed in February of 2007. I was so very sick back then I actually thought I was going to die! One of the main symptoms was a rapid heartbeat and mine was probably 110 beats a minute. I was put on Methimazole, about 40 mg. per day to knock down the worst of the symptoms. That has gradually been reduced until now my dose is 5 mg. a day. Then I got some really bad news this week, my numbers are beginning to rise again. My Dr. called on Wednesday and told me he wanted to do the radioactive iodine treatment. I just don't feel ready for that at all. He gave me until the 7th of November, my next appointment, to "see the numbers change". He says to take the medicine every other day and in two weeks go off it all together. Yeah, the numbers will change and it won't be for the better I'm sure. So, I went on the…

Who Will Remember?

For the past 15 years I've admired your backyard garden. Each Spring the rows of vegetables looked so healthy. You had beautiful flowers that I'm sure you passed out to friends and neighbors. Pots were filled with cuttings and seedlings waiting to make their home in your rich garden soil. Your home looked like a cute little farm home. I could imagine it on property all by itself, surrounded by orchards, gardens and even a small flock of chickens. You walked everywhere you went toting a metal shopping cart and I used to see you take little cuttings of other peoples plants. I can still remember the day a couple of years back that the ambulance came to get your husband, a tall handsome man, most days in overalls. He didn't come back.....


I've wondered ever since how you've been. My mom lost my dad and was so lonesome. Her house quiet. Lacking hugs. Lights... I came to see your lights as a sign that you were OK. I saw you out working in your garden on warm summery days,…